its strange for an ordinary day to become one that defies the definition. for an 18 to not just be a number, for 16 to not just be an age.For holiday break to be a reminder of what is not there, rather then who is coming home.

I have refused to go Christmas tree shopping for the past six years. My hide and seek partner and sugar cube eater is not here. His stocking is still hung, though I now wake myself up on Christmas morning. I am no longer jumped on and woken to excitement. I no longer have wrapping paper fights and escapades to find our gifts.

it has been six years, though I still can’t grasp the events that lead up to 5 p.m and the breaths that lead me to 2,190 days later.

but today I am going Christmas tree shopping and double the sugar cubes will be eaten. one for me, one for you. three for me, four for you. Because you could always eat more then me anyway & the cider always burned my tongue